If I Ran the DCI…

Phil offers up 20 pieces of mostly terrible advice to Wizards of the Coast with the next Banned and Restricted announcement just over a week away.

Kambal, Consul of Allocation Artwork

It’s almost that time again.

The Banned and Restricted List will be updated on August 28th, and as we all know, Wizards doesn’t have the guts to do what really needs to be done to make Magic a healthy and interactive game. So I’ve taken it upon myself to outline the changes that are desperately needed to keep this game going.

1. Unban Aetherworks Marvel in Standard

Since Marvel was banned, Ulamog, the Ceaseless Hunger has seen almost no top tier play. I feel badly for the smallest of the Eldrazi titans, and want it to have one more go in the sun before rotating out of Standard. Besides, once it rotates, name one other giant, ridiculous permanent Marvel can cheat in.

nicol bolas god pharaoh mtg card

OK fair enough, but can you name two?

 

2. Unban Felidar Gaurdian in Standard

I think it’s prejudiced, banning the poor innocent kitty cat. Especially with all the insane tools they’ve offered up for cat tribal with Pride Sovereign, Regal Caracal, and Adorned Pouncer – it just doesn’t seem fair to dangle the key 4-drop for these decks just outside of our greasy hands.

 

3. Unban Blazing Shoal in Modern

Blazing Shoal mtg card

More prejudice. Every other Shoal is legal except the red one? Come on, you guys aren’t even trying to hide your bias. For a company that promotes community and inclusion of all individuals this seems awfully short sighted of Wizards of the Coast.

 

4. Unban Splinter Twin in Modern

Splinter Twin mtg card

There’s lots of ways to make infinite arbitrarily large numbers of creatures in Modern, but I don’t see anyone whining about Intruder Alarm.

 

5. Ban Intruder Alarm in Modern

Intruder Alarm mtg card

Card’s broken. For real. Don’t even get me started.

 

6. Unban Sensei’s Diving Top in Modern.

Sensei's Divining Top mtg card

Now, I know what you’re thinking, Internet. If Top is unbanned, then Miracles could take over Modern. But that’s the point. The format is sorely lacking a tier one control deck and no, no, don’t you come to me with UW Control Mr. Knight. Multiple win conditions? Attacking with creatures? A true control deck wins by making the opponent quit the game in frustration and consider taking up another hobby, like stamp collecting or scuba diving.

 

7. Unban Sensei’s Diving Top in Legacy

Sensei's Divining Top mtg card

Top was banned shortly after Eli Kassis won an SCG Open with Miracles, then said in his post-tourney interview that Top should be banned. Eli and I live in the same area, and a few years ago I beat him in a local Legacy tournament. Therefore, I’m better than him, and I say Top is fine in Legacy.

 

8. Unban Tree of Tales in Modern

Tree of Tales mtg card

Only Tree of Tales, though. It’s the least broken of the artifact lands.

 

9. Unban Skullclamp in Modern & Legacy

 

+1/-1? Bonesplitter gives a creature +2/+0 for the same cost to cast and equip. Strictly better, still doesn’t see play. Plus, check out that artwork.

 

10. Unban Bazaar of Baghdad in Legacy

Bazaar of Baghdad mtg card

Come on, you’ll give us Worldgorger Dragon, but not Bazaar? It’s like you don’t want us to have any fun.

 

11. Unban Oath of Druids in Legacy

Oath of Druids mtg card

Kids need to read more and this card has a lot of text in it’s box – back from a day when people actually cared about the lore. Seriously, the rules text alone on this card is more compelling than at least 75 percent of the articles here on MTG.one.

 

12. Ban Archangel of Thune in Legacy

Archangel of Thune mtg card

Nic Fit needs the be taken down a peg. Actually, I haven’t been following Legacy too closely lately, is Nic Fit still a thing? I probably should have done some cursory research before writing this, but running my mouth without actually being knowledgeable about the subject is something most Magic players can relate with.

 

13. Unban the ante cards in Vintage

If you’re playing Vintage, it means one of two things. Either you’re playing proxies, in which case you don’t care about losing that Sharpied Mountain, or you’re playing sanctioned, which means you’ve got literally tons of disposable income and can afford to replace cards. If you want the format to grow, you’ve got to spread the love. Don’t be a baddie, bring back ante.

 

14. Unban Shahrazad in Commander

Shahrazad mtg card

A card that has minimal, unguaranteed benefit for a lot of work? That’s Commander in a nutshell. If you’re not familiar with the format, I’d highly recommend reading my introduction which is mostly unhelpful.

 

15. Eliminate the Mulligan rule

Oh, your opening seven has nothing but spells in it? I guess you should’ve put in more lands. That’s what you get for net-decking!

 

16. Subtract 3 packs from Sealed formats

Six packs to build a deck? Boring. It needs to be more of a challenge.

 

17. Add three packs to Draft pools

Only three packs to build a deck? That’s too difficult for the average player.

 

18. Eliminate the 4x limit in Constructed

Look, the rule is already broken with basic lands, Relentless Rats and Shadowborn Apostle. If I want to run twenty copies of Trinisphere to make sure I have one in my opening hand, I should be allowed. If you told me that being able to run twenty copies of Trinisphere would be a bad thing, I would not believe you. Trinisphere is the ideal Magic card.

 

19. Bring back Interrupts

What better way to drive home the flavor of a counterspell than have “Interrupt” right there on the type line? And don’t tell me it’s unnecessary, so was “Tribal.”

And last, and probably least:

 

20. Recognize Un-block Constructed as a sanctioned format

Unstable comes out in December. Now’s our chance to see how good LSV and PVDDR can be while balancing Charm School on their heads and speaking in Pig Latin.

There you have it. This is the only way to save Magic. Listen, Wizards. Listen to your players. We clearly know better than you.

Phil Feichtner

Phil plays Magic and has four kids. These often conflict. When they’re not conflicting, he’s the resident comedian here at MTG.one.

more content from MTG.one

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *