It’s almost that time again.
The Banned and Restricted List will be updated on August 28th, and as we all know, Wizards doesn’t have the guts to do what really needs to be done to make Magic a healthy and interactive game. So I’ve taken it upon myself to outline the changes that are desperately needed to keep this game going.
1. Unban Aetherworks Marvel in Standard
Since Marvel was banned, Ulamog, the Ceaseless Hunger has seen almost no top tier play. I feel badly for the smallest of the Eldrazi titans, and want it to have one more go in the sun before rotating out of Standard. Besides, once it rotates, name one other giant, ridiculous permanent Marvel can cheat in.
OK fair enough, but can you name two?
2. Unban Felidar Gaurdian in Standard
I think it’s prejudiced, banning the poor innocent kitty cat. Especially with all the insane tools they’ve offered up for cat tribal with Pride Sovereign, Regal Caracal, and Adorned Pouncer – it just doesn’t seem fair to dangle the key 4-drop for these decks just outside of our greasy hands.
3. Unban Blazing Shoal in Modern
More prejudice. Every other Shoal is legal except the red one? Come on, you guys aren’t even trying to hide your bias. For a company that promotes community and inclusion of all individuals this seems awfully short sighted of Wizards of the Coast.
4. Unban Splinter Twin in Modern
There’s lots of ways to make
infinite arbitrarily large numbers of creatures in Modern, but I don’t see anyone whining about Intruder Alarm.
5. Ban Intruder Alarm in Modern
Card’s broken. For real. Don’t even get me started.
6. Unban Sensei’s Diving Top in Modern.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, Internet. If Top is unbanned, then Miracles could take over Modern. But that’s the point. The format is sorely lacking a tier one control deck and no, no, don’t you come to me with UW Control Mr. Knight. Multiple win conditions? Attacking with creatures? A true control deck wins by making the opponent quit the game in frustration and consider taking up another hobby, like stamp collecting or scuba diving.
7. Unban Sensei’s Diving Top in Legacy
Top was banned shortly after Eli Kassis won an SCG Open with Miracles, then said in his post-tourney interview that Top should be banned. Eli and I live in the same area, and a few years ago I beat him in a local Legacy tournament. Therefore, I’m better than him, and I say Top is fine in Legacy.
8. Unban Tree of Tales in Modern
Only Tree of Tales, though. It’s the least broken of the artifact lands.
9. Unban Skullclamp in Modern & Legacy
+1/-1? Bonesplitter gives a creature +2/+0 for the same cost to cast and equip. Strictly better, still doesn’t see play. Plus, check out that artwork.
10. Unban Bazaar of Baghdad in Legacy
Come on, you’ll give us Worldgorger Dragon, but not Bazaar? It’s like you don’t want us to have any fun.
11. Unban Oath of Druids in Legacy
Kids need to read more and this card has a lot of text in it’s box – back from a day when people actually cared about the lore. Seriously, the rules text alone on this card is more compelling than at least 75 percent of the articles here on MTG.one.
12. Ban Archangel of Thune in Legacy
Nic Fit needs the be taken down a peg. Actually, I haven’t been following Legacy too closely lately, is Nic Fit still a thing? I probably should have done some cursory research before writing this, but running my mouth without actually being knowledgeable about the subject is something most Magic players can relate with.
13. Unban the ante cards in Vintage
If you’re playing Vintage, it means one of two things. Either you’re playing proxies, in which case you don’t care about losing that Sharpied Mountain, or you’re playing sanctioned, which means you’ve got literally tons of disposable income and can afford to replace cards. If you want the format to grow, you’ve got to spread the love. Don’t be a baddie, bring back ante.
14. Unban Shahrazad in Commander
A card that has minimal, unguaranteed benefit for a lot of work? That’s Commander in a nutshell. If you’re not familiar with the format, I’d highly recommend reading my introduction which is mostly unhelpful.
15. Eliminate the Mulligan rule
Oh, your opening seven has nothing but spells in it? I guess you should’ve put in more lands. That’s what you get for net-decking!
16. Subtract 3 packs from Sealed formats
Six packs to build a deck? Boring. It needs to be more of a challenge.
17. Add three packs to Draft pools
Only three packs to build a deck? That’s too difficult for the average player.
18. Eliminate the 4x limit in Constructed
Look, the rule is already broken with basic lands, Relentless Rats and Shadowborn Apostle. If I want to run twenty copies of Trinisphere to make sure I have one in my opening hand, I should be allowed. If you told me that being able to run twenty copies of Trinisphere would be a bad thing, I would not believe you. Trinisphere is the ideal Magic card.
19. Bring back Interrupts
What better way to drive home the flavor of a counterspell than have “Interrupt” right there on the type line? And don’t tell me it’s unnecessary, so was “Tribal.”
And last, and probably least:
20. Recognize Un-block Constructed as a sanctioned format
Unstable comes out in December. Now’s our chance to see how good LSV and PVDDR can be while balancing Charm School on their heads and speaking in Pig Latin.
There you have it. This is the only way to save Magic. Listen, Wizards. Listen to your players. We clearly know better than you.